Day 22 of the Apocalypse, Ground Zero, Gerton, NC pop. 231

I am not a survivor.

To be honest, I’ve grown to hate that word.

There is no part of me that wants to be known as the person who survived four immediate family members dying by suicide.

Or surviving a 30,000-year hurricane event that devastated our area.

Or surviving rape. Or my childhood. Or whatever.

Surviving suggests that those experiences become the basis from which I operate, make decisions, and function. Surviving keeps me tied to the past. I am not enduring, suffering, or withstanding those experiences.

My spirit is not crushed.

I am not brokenhearted.

I am blessed by an overabundance of possibility. I am blessed by knowing how powerful I am. I am blessed with resiliency.

For me, this is not about getting through. This is about becoming.

Everything that has ever happened, has happened for me.

My freedom lies in how I interpret what happens in my reality. My power resides in what I do next.

The first couple of days after Hurricane Helene hit, it was silent on our mountain. The helicopters hadn’t arrived yet. No one had cell service.

Jeff and I sat out in the field next to our house, watching and listening for the smallest indications of life, not yet fully comprehending the devastation below us in the gorge.

In those 48 hours, we made a choice about who we were going to become during this Apocalypse.

We decided to become people who made a difference. My role became Trauma Chaplain. Jeff’s role became Supply Coordinator and Chief Communicator to the outside world for our community (he was the only one our our mountain with an operable cell phone, and is the admin for our “We are Gerton, NC” Facebook group).

These roles have helped us to become this next version of ourselves.

Helping others has allowed us the ability to heal from and process what has happened in our community. It has made us resilient.

My brother dying by suicide yesterday showed me what could have happened to me, too, had I not chosen resiliency and strength as my path forward. Had I not chosen the path of becoming, instead of surviving.

As humans, we are capable of much more than just enduring. We are designed for miracles. I know that I am miraculous. You are too. We are each fully capable of becoming.