The human condition is to belong.
Thousands of years ago we needed to be a part of a tribe in order to survive in this world. This survival instinct of tribe is still embedded within us. So anything new that we choose to do is a potential threat to our sense of belonging.
Many of us hold ourselves back because we are afraid of losing friends and family if we become successful in business.
In this short video, learn how this impacts your business and what to do about it!
Let’s dive into the Money Mindset Strategy: Be Willing to Lose Your Tribe.
Author and researcher Dr. Brene Brown has a LOT to say about belonging, because she has done so much research on what it truly means to belong. I am currently obsessed with her most recent book, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. Please do read this book if you haven’t already.
In her book from a few years ago, The Gifts of Imperfection, she writes:
“Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
In other words, we humans have a pretty warped sense of what it means to truly belong.
We change who we are in order to fit in, we try desperately to be liked, or in an effort to not make anyone else uncomfortable.
That impacts us most significantly in business in two areas: marketing and sales.
Here’s the deal people:
If you are constantly rearranging who you are in order to be all things to all people your marketing is going to be vague and unappealing to no one. Your sales funnels and conversations will be cloaked in your fear of rejection and visibility. Your marketing will not work and your sales won’t convert. You will be trapped by a self-imposed glass ceiling with money.
The solution is to stop needing to belong in the dysfunctional way we often misinterpret belonging.
Here’s the truth of what it means to belong, according to Dr. Brown. She states that belonging to ourselves means being called to stand alone in the wilderness: in the fear, the uncertainty, the criticism, the vulnerability. Because that is where freedom lies.
This is also where abundance lies.
Remarkably, in her research Dr. Brown found that people “who have the deepest sense of true belonging are people who also have the courage to stand alone when called to do that. They are willing to maintain their integrity and risk disconnection in order to stand up for what they believe in.”
Here’s an exercise to help you really get clear on your relationship to belonging. It’s a series of questions to ask yourself to dig deeper:
- Who would you become if you had a lot of money?
- What fear do you have around this?
- How are you playing small for fear that you will hurt someone?
- Is there a certain person who would be the most upset? like earning more money than your spouse or partner or parent?
- How would money change you?
These are the unconscious things that block you from making more money. Fear of separation actually crates a glass ceiling for us in our business.
In order to bring more money into your business you have to break free from your survival instinct of tribe.
For those of you who have children, think of it this way:
Would you want your children to see you not taking risks and stepping into your greatness out of fear that your friends and family would no longer love you?
And for your friends or family who may feel threatened or uncomfortable if you made more money, are those really the people that you want in your corner?
Answering these questions is your path forward to true belonging.
P.S. Be sure to let me know in the comments your biggest takeaway! (I respond to every comment personally.)
P.P.S. Are you ready to Master Money Now? Go here to get started.
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